I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
