K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
