It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
