I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
