dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
