Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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