I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
