Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
