I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you never un-have a 4some
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize