Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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