I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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