If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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