Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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