You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
