This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
