the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
