No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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