I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
