i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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