What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
