so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
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Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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