Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.

Fav 72 3379 940
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(863): View more from Florida

I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.

Fav 21 4841 2108
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(919): View more from North Carolina

So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.

Fav 16 5216 1461
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(650): View more from California

Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.

Fav 12 4837 1424
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(540): View more from Virginia

Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone

(1-540): View more from Virginia

I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her

Fav 28 4217 1631
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(773): View more from Illinois

That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.

(804): View more from Virginia

It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.

Fav 9 2528 879
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(347): View more from New York

My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted

Fav 4 2068 669
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(314): View more from Missouri

So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.

Fav 2 21 109
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