Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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