I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
