I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
