what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize