so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
