dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
