If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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