Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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