It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Say something about gay babies.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
