If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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