just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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