Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
