Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
