Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
