the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
