Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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