how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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