My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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