oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
