i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
