Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
