i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
