I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
