I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize