she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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