Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
