i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
