told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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