I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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