I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
worst night to have a conscience
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The adults are the big ones right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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