Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
