he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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