so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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