I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
