Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
