if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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