as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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