She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
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