$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
