I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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