when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
