Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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