i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
