Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What a dumb baby whore.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
