Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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