i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
