If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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