He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
