I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
