Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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