I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
